It Will Not Wash Away
by Gohan Roxas
Summary: [Post-ME2] In her eyes, she is stained by blood, and nothing will rid her of it. Based off my ME experiences. Mentions FemShep/Liara. Rated T for graphic imagery.


_**So I came up with this idea after I finished ME2 for the first time (though I've now gone back to try and minimalize casualties) and Kelly and Mordin died at the Collector base. So that means this is entirely based off my experience with ME1 and ME2, hence Kaidan being dead, among other things.**_

* * *

She saw faces in her dreams. Faces she would not see in reality. Distorted by her mind, which had been twisted and altered by trauma.

Those who did not survive Elysium. The people who she had been assigned to protect, but failed. Their bleeding faces glared at her, accusing her of leaving them behind. Reviled by the fact she was _rewarded_ for her cowardice.

Corporal Jenkins, the inexperienced soldier who'd been killed on Eden Prime. His face was sad, his armour riddled with bullet holes. He was mouthing words, words that seemed like accusations.

Kaidan, who she had chosen to leave behind on Virmire while she saved Ash. His armour was even more mangled than Jenkins' had been, his skin melted away. The glare that came from his boiling eyes was one of rage; a rage at being left behind.

Then she saw the crew of the _SSV_ _Normandy_. Navigator Pressley, his clothes burning, his nose caved in and bleeding. The Alliance requisition officer, a man whose name she'd never known. His face was burned beyond recognition; it was only his clothes and beret that identified him. He was the first one to speak to her. His voice was gravelly, mocking. "_**Looking for supplies?!**_" he demanded of her.

The members of Cerberus' Lazarus Project who had been killed by Wilson's hacked mechs. Their faces were even more accusatory than those of Elysium had been. After all, if she had not been there, the mechs would never have killed them.

Then came the most recent ones, from the suicide mission beyond the Omega-4 Relay, to the Collector base. Kenneth Donnelly, whose death she had not seen. Gabby Daniels, his "partner-in-crime", as she'd called herself, who'd likely perished beside her friend.

Kelly Chambers was perhaps the most painful. She'd been by her side since she'd come aboard the _Normandy SR-2_, giving her updates about e-mails, the crew's state-of-mind…hell, she'd offered to feed her fish! Now, the only memory of Kelly was of her panicked face as her skin melted, the screaming as her flesh became black sludge, food for the Human-Reaper, the desperate clawing at the glass of her pod.

Finally, there was Mordin Solus, the brilliant yet erratic Salarian scientist she'd picked up on Omega. He'd been gunned down by the Collectors as she, Garrus and Tali had gone to the centre of the Collector base. She should have sent him back with the survivors. Mordin hadn't been a crack soldier for some time, not since retiring from the STG. The Collectors were a species that had existed for millennia, honing their skills all the while. She made a wrong call, and Mordin paid for it with his life.

She sat on the edge of her bed, running a hand through her shoulder-length blonde hair, sighing to herself. She looked up and smiled a sad smile as she saw her fish tank. She stood up and moved to her desk, looking at all the model ships – the original _Normandy_, the _Destiny Ascension_, a Turian cruiser and a Geth warship.

Then her gaze fell on the picture frame beside her private terminal – even those words made her picture Kelly, telling her of messages from old friends and new. The picture was of an Asari, her skin a light blue, tinted with a purple blush. One hand was lifted as if to ward off the camera which had taken the picture, but there was a smile on her face. She caressed the frame lovingly, wishing that the woman in the picture could be there in reality.

A light blue orb popped up on the wall. "_Shepard, we are approaching the Citadel. Is there anything you wish for me to do?_"

The woman looked at the hologram and nodded. "Contact C-Sec, EDI. Tell them we have a criminal on board."

The AI hesitated. "_I was not aware we were going to hand Jack or Ms Goto to C-Sec._"

"We're not. It's me. I've caused too many deaths. Time for me to pay for it."

"_Understood, Shepard._" EDI somehow seemed…sad about the Commander's decision.

* * *

Captain Bailey met her at the dock, flanked by a Turian C-Sec officer and a familiar-looking Drell. It was Kolyat, Thane's son who she had convinced Bailey to give community service. He was wearing a C-Sec uniform similar to Bailey's. The human officer had obviously given the former assassin a job. "Commander Shepard," Bailey said, his tone confused. "You said something about a criminal on board, someone who needs to be made to atone for their crimes. Where is he – or she, as the case may be?"

"You're looking at her, Captain," Shepard told him, without a trace of irony in her voice.

Bailey tilted his head. "Commander, you're a Spectre. For the most part, the laws aren't there for you."

"I worked for Cerberus, Bailey, a sworn enemy of the Council. I'm pretty sure that's treason."

The C-Sec officer hesitated for a moment before sighing. "Okay then. Come with me, Commander." He did not try to place a hand on her.

"I will, Captain. I need to atone for what I've done."

Beside Captain Bailey, Kolyat blinked. What was going on here? Shepard was no criminal! She was a hero! In so many aspects of the word! She saved the Citadel after Saren's Geth attack, _and_ prevented the _Destiny Ascension_ from being destroyed by the gigantic flagship Sovereign! More than that, she'd brought peace to his family, ensuring that his broken relationship with his father became mended! This was wrong in so many ways!

Shepard had noticed Kolyat's indignation and raised a hand. "Relax, Kolyat. This is something I need to go through."

The Drell looked at her for a moment before nodding. "Alright, Shepard. If you say so."

* * *

The sight of the great Commander Shepard surrounded by C-Sec guards, headed towards the penitentiary caused a stir among the population of Zakera Ward. To so many of them, Shepard was a hero, the woman who'd saved all their lives two years before.

One woman, a middle-aged woman with short dark hair and a white camera drone hovering near her head was beside herself with glee, though she held it in. After three years, she didn't need to lie on camera anymore. Shepard had smeared herself. She'd done her work for her!

Just as she reached for her datapad to start recording this magnificent sight, a strong arm grabbed her hand. "Forget it, Khalisa."

"But the people of the Citadel deserve to know…"

"We don't know _anything_ yet," the man who'd stopped her before reminded her. "All we do know is that she's handed herself over to C-Sec for whatever reason. Haven't you heard of 'innocent until proven guilty'?"

"But…"

"Shut up, Khalisa. Report the truth when it comes out, not your own interpretation before."

Khalisa Bint Sinan al-Jilani of Westerlund News whimpered slightly and put her datapad away.

"Smart choice," the man told her, smirking, before walking away.

The reporter looked at the doorway of the penitentiary, where Shepard had been moments before. _What's she done that warrants her handing herself over like a common criminal? Or has she done anything at all?_

Nearby, an Asari in diplomat garb looked at the C-Sec prison herself, her hand over her heart. "Shepard… You mustn't blame yourself. You mustn't…" A tear rolled down her cheek.

A Drell walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Liara… We have to go back to the ship."

She nodded. "Of course, Feron." She sniffled slightly before looking at the door to Shepard's captivity. _My love… I'll see you again._


End file.
